Contrasting Characters By Aiza
Tilly barged into the door, threw her coat on her peg and grabbed her bag . Tilly went to an empty space at the back of class. ” Sorry Miss that I am late,” Tilly exclaimed. “It’s not my fault that there was traffic.”
Ava quietly walked in quiet as a mouse and carefully hung her coat up and picked up her bag. Ava walked down to her desk slowly no one realised. ” Oh Ava, when did you come?” questioned Miss Johnson ,“Right now,” mumbled Ava.
Tilly snatched her books out of her bag and sat down. Ava was listening to Miss while Tilly had her headphones in listening to music. Miss said, ” Does everyone understand ?” Everyone said yes except Tilly. “What are we doing ?” Shouted Tilly.
Hi Aiza
1. I really like the line Tilly barged through the door.
2. Where did you get the idea from?
3. Can you change it, to tell me where she is going to….a bit like this “Tilly walked through the door into the kitchen. You’re amazing! keep up with the hard work.
Hi Aiza,
1) I really like how you have used the word ‘barge’ at the start of the sentence because it shows she is rushing into class.
2) why is Tilly listening to music instead of the teacher?
3) Your writing is so good I can’t think of an improvement.
Well done. Keep writing.
From Brooke and Oskar