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The Abandoned city

Max walked towards to the abandoned city uneasy because his lawyer sent him to investigate the place, his lawyer gave him a unbreakable suit what can keep him safe so if something went wrong then he will be safe.

Ones I entered the place I had to start investigating, but then I got a call from my lawyer but lawyer was spelled wrong so I did not answer the call because I knew that wasn’t him with lawyer spelt wrong. It was the time, I had to go enter the city. As I cautiously walked to the city I had a tazer at the ready and then entered the place. Oliver SWW

3 Responses to “The Abandoned city”

  1. Lily- Antony primary school November 26, 2020 at 12:13 pm

    1. Very good, I like your story.
    2. Why did you keep using the word ‘lawyer’.
    3. To make this better maybe you could use a different word to ‘lawyer’.

  2. 1.I like the suspense that you built.
    2.Why did you not add more to it as it could’ve got even better?
    3.You spelt once wrong.

  3. Well done Oliver! Great creativity and back story. Remember in lesson we said that short sentences make for suspense, so where you have used a lot of commas and long sentences next time think about creating the suspense by having shorter sentences. Grammar is your friend in creative writing as it can change a whole story. Good work and keep it up!

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