To owner of this house,
I am here to write a complaint about the lack of decent food in your house such as cheese, caviar and that cream cheese you had a week ago. I don’t want anything like steak, ribs, marshmallows or bread. I suggest you get better food or I will leave your house forever! I will give you 2 days to get better food.
Notice: don’t get a cat or I’ll get all my friends to take down the beast! If you get a dog I will get every mouse in the country to make it leave!