I’d like you to imagine the cleanest tissue, that’s like freshly made paper strait from the lumber mill.

I’d like you to hold this tissue in your brain for eternity, with the attention that you would use for sats (or an action film with its dramatic music playing).

I’d like you to call this tissue, your favourite acquaintance.

Now please fill in this survey:

What nose does your tissue like to wipe most?

Has your tissue been on Britan’s got talent?

When will your tissue get famous?

What is your tissues dream car?

Does your tissue help you when you really need assistance?

Is it world famous?