The rain lashed across Jimmy’s face as he looked for shelter but all he could find was a dark gloomy abandoned house in the middle of the woods. ‘Is it safe?’ he thought. He reached for the mossy handle, with a twist the door opened. To his surprise a dark figure zoomed past him . With a crash, the door slammed behind him. He panicked.
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What a spooky place to visit ! What was the dark figure ?
I love the idea that you have tried to add as much detail as you can. Next time you could describe what the house looked like.
This is very good for a suspense story.
I think you could change maybe silhouette.
There’s a lot of detail in this I really like it.
WOW, I loved that because you left a great cliffhanger and your sentences were fantastic