The abandoned school
In the abandoned school there was a child, she was called Pumkin . Her mum nor dad was ever to be seen , she was left strapped to a bed. Left to die . All of a sudden a mad man came charging into the room…
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I love how you created suspense in your story. My question is how his/her parents die. You could improve by naming the child.
I liked how you described the mad man as charging into the room. I wonder what the mad man was going to do to Pumkin? Perhaps describe how mad this character is by using show not tell.