opening story
“Arrr!” screamed Devon. Devon stared in horror as the ground rushed up to meet
them. They were swooping ever downwards to what
looked like an extremely ancient, triangle ruined city. Commander Ravi shaw
wrestled with the tiller, trying his best to steer the
Starhazer towards an open triangle in the city center.
By Devon’s side, Zoey stood holding a silver saber made of metal,
fending off a strange, flying goblin from the skin of
the jets. Its huge claws tore into the covering and
sliced an irreparable tear, like a gaping wound out of
which poured the fuel that was keeping them in the air.
With a cloud of morph x (the fuel)came leaking out of the jets , the airship smashed down, landing in the triangle. Zoey had lost the battle with the sky goblin and she had already fallen to the floor of the sky ship . Devon peered over the banister at the city triangle that surrounded the wounded StarHazer. The villagers were furious and they started to run at them with pitchforks that were on fire.
I like how you’ve got the name of the skyship and changed it, slightly.
I really adored this, and I especially enjoyed the drama, but I also enjoyed the slight tinge of description, not blue eyes, green scales, but the close detail of the ruins, and other situations. There is no suggestions, this was amazing.
This is great Sid there are some brilliant ideas in there. I have a small suggestion, when you wrote “Arrr”screamed Devon, maybe you could change the sentence Devon stared in horror to one of your other characters such as ‘ Zoey stared in horror.’ Rather than Devon as you have just wrote a sentence based on him. That was just an idea but a great effort.
i adore on how you wrote your story i love it so much well done
I love your style of writing especially : “They were swooping ever downwards to what
looked like an extremely ancient, triangle ruined city.”