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opening story

 “Arrr!” screamed Devon. Devon  stared in horror as the ground rushed up to meet

them. They were swooping ever downwards to what

looked like an extremely ancient, triangle  ruined city. Commander  Ravi shaw 

wrestled with the tiller, trying his best to steer the

Starhazer  towards an open triangle in the city center.

By Devon’s side, Zoey stood holding a silver  saber made of metal,

fending off a strange, flying goblin  from the skin of

the jets. Its huge claws tore into the covering and

sliced an irreparable tear, like a gaping wound out of

which poured the fuel that was keeping them in the air.

With a cloud of morph x (the fuel)came leaking out of the jets , the airship smashed  down, landing in the triangle. Zoey  had lost the battle with the sky goblin and she  had already fallen to the floor of the sky ship . Devon peered over the banister  at the city triangle that surrounded the wounded StarHazer.  The villagers were furious and they started to run at them with pitchforks that were on fire.  

5 Responses to “opening story”

  1. I like how you’ve got the name of the skyship and changed it, slightly.

  2. I really adored this, and I especially enjoyed the drama, but I also enjoyed the slight tinge of description, not blue eyes, green scales, but the close detail of the ruins, and other situations. There is no suggestions, this was amazing.

  3. This is great Sid there are some brilliant ideas in there. I have a small suggestion, when you wrote “Arrr”screamed Devon, maybe you could change the sentence Devon stared in horror to one of your other characters such as ‘ Zoey stared in horror.’ Rather than Devon as you have just wrote a sentence based on him. That was just an idea but a great effort.

  4. i adore on how you wrote your story i love it so much well done

  5. I love your style of writing especially : “They were swooping ever downwards to what

    looked like an extremely ancient, triangle ruined city.”

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