Breaking News!

People are advised to stay at home after an angry ogre was spotted by soldiers parachuting into Salisbury Plain.

Sergeant Roger Cheeseburger described seeing a one-eyed, green, ugly beast, wildly running around swinging a wooden spikey club above its head.

A local ogre-ologist said “it is rare to see an ogre at this time of year so it is probably hungry and looking for food”.

Stay indoors unless you want to be its dinner!