Do not miss out on an exciting special offer! If you feel lonely and you want someone to talk to, or play with, then you’re in luck because we’ve got the ultimate chatterbox for sale. Everybody must want a loud, funny, very talkative, energetic sister, right? She also gives lots of surprise tickles, plays a very loud trombone (very good at two notes over and over again) and comes with a free massive hairy tarantula (cage not included) and lots of messy playdoh. Get bidding quickly now because we only have one sister to sell. No bid is too low.

Hi my darling daughter,

Sorry if this note seems dramatic but you don’t need to feel alarmed, we are just in the garden. Daddy’s watering the plants and Mummy’s reading the Times newspaper. We have made this fun for you because we want you to enjoy your life. We have hidden the keys to the garden, and you have to scavenger hunt around the house to find them! If you succeed, we will give you a triple chocolate cookie. You have fifteen minutes to find them. Here’s a clue, think random not obvious.

From your loving parents Mummy and Daddy

Yay, it’s an exciting non-school uniform day at school, I thought to myself. I bet all my friends will dress up as a treasure hunting, fearless, pirate like me. As I walk through the school gates without looking at what anybody was wearing I said in my best booming pirate voice, “hi me hearties, my name is Sophiaaar!” Uh oh, the non-school uniform day is tomorrow. Everybody (wearing normal boring uniform) stared at me and laughed at me like I was crazy! I felt embarrassed wearing my best swashbuckling pirate outfit. I better go change before the headteacher sees me…

Right, where shall I start? I will sneak into the cinema showing the new Matilda musical film and being invisible I won’t have to pay for my popcorn!  That’s what being invisible is all about (doing whatever whenever you want.) The movie was great and now I need to jazz up a bit by sneaking into a roller disco in all my super-duper, cool gear. That was so fun but I fell over a bit (a lot). I might steal somebody’s slush puppy while I have got the chance. TASTY!!! I feel tired and am going to sleep well tonight.

In my last 24 hours I will:

• invite my friends to join in all the fun;
• watch all the Harry Potter movies back-to-back;
• go to an exciting theme park;
• have a hair styling experience so I look my best;
• play with my gorgeous sausage dog;
• do loads of artistic crafts;
• bake a 3 layered cake with rainbow sprinkles, caramel butter cream and loads of other toppings (and eat it);
• make a milkshake with all my favourite chocolate bars;
• invite my family and friends to a disco party; and
• get a cool phone and message everyone to wish them well

Wow, so much gold! How can you get all that shiny gold? Get your gold with the one and only brilliant GoldWater 3000 machine! Where do you buy it? Amazon of course. This wonderful, amazing machine currently costs only £785.05. You only need tap water to put into the machine, press the button on the bottom left of the machine and HEY PRESTO … gold, gold, gold! Sell it, keep it, do any thing with it except from hitting the machine with the gold because that would make me and my team offended and break your machine. Batteries sold separately.

Hi Mum, on Wednesday I am doing a speech about wild monkeys in front of lots of people in the local area and I’m nervous. What shall I do?

Not now Bernard, you always talk about monkeys.

Do I?

Yes. You have a really bad memory!

Sorry Mum, I didn’t mean to bother you at all.

It’s okay dear, I was being a bit mean. I actually should be the person saying sorry. It’s nearly your bedtime so you should be going to bed soon! Oh, I forgot to say, everybody is scared sometimes. So, don’t worry.

Thanks Mum.

Goodnight.