The girl and the caravan…
Outside, the gleaming sun covering the village of Hale, resting on the beat of the girl’s heart. Inside the lifeless caravan, the lights came to life…
Emily Cosmo put her cap on, there was no point she could not get the sun away from her. The glowing sun shined on everything except from the lifeless caravan! The antique caravan rocked from side to side as if it was saying “DO NOT ENTER!”
Emily did not enter she sped home from the long-living caravan.
1.good piece of writing
2.how did they speed home? e.g.slowly, quickly.
3.I suggest you could improve the hat. Was it old ,new did have holes?
I think you should improve on your repetitive words in the first sentence you said life and lifeless in the same sentace to each other. But this writing is great.
I loved the part where you said the lights came to life! do you like playing in the sun ? maybe you might want to put stay away from your doom !