The haunted shocker is one of the most wanted criminals on mars . One single complement and he will suck all the blood from your body until you are dead . He will always say “wahahaha ,you will never defeat me!”
Wherever you live and whatever the weather he will always be on the hunt for you.
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Hey! We really liked you story, maybe you could add some more info about the haunted shocker, what did he look like? Over all well done!
I love this story opener. It really forms a picture in your mind. My question is, what does the monster look like. Can you check the spelling mistake in the second line? Well done. Keep up the good work.
I like the fact that it is on mars and the onomatopeia.I can’t think of an improvement but you could make it a bit more realistic.