The lost deer- Olivia
Jasmine wept. She wept in a cold, dark, creepy building; scared and alone. Bang. Next to her, a gate post crashed against the crumbly wall. Anxiously, leaves shivered and old metal doors creaked open. Rust was in the air.
A rumbling sound caught Jasmine’s attention and suddenly she felt alert. Inside her chest, her heart raced. Gingerly, one step at a time, Jasmine walked up the corridor until she came to the right room. She eased the the door open to find a cold, shivering baby deer.
This is really great poem! I love the bit where it says ‘inside her chest her heart raced’. It is very suspense and makes me want to read on. Did you try to make it very suspense?! because it is very suspense and it look like you worked hard on this! I suggest for maybe some more description about the character!