part 3 of my skyship adventure- a new passenger
Max, who’s lip trembled, whimpered and ran to the ship. A scratching noise echoed through the castle and John went to its source. Around the corner, a small bird-like creature was crying out, as a large boulder had fallen on its wing. John rushed to help it, and after closer inspection, he knew it had to be a baby eagle. It had a tiny dagger like beak that gleamed in the moon, and 2 beady eyes that bored into his mind. John stepped one small step closer, and crouched down next to it. Suddenly, he heard a rock tumbling, and he whipped around. Max’s small, pale face poked out of a doorframe.
John scowled and turned around again. He broke into a sweat, trying to remove the boulder without harming the poor bird. Once the rock was gone, John picked up the bird gently and it leapt onto his arm, gripping firmly. ”It’s fine,” said John, ”It’s a baby eagle, but it’s hurt. Go get the medical supplies!” Max ran of into the gloom…
I love your story but something I would improve would be when you said “Max, who’s lip trembled, whimpered and ran to the ship” I would say the word “ran” is a bit overused and maybe instead you could say dashed
well done!
WOW! This is utterly amazing! I love how you have described your two contrasting characters! What gave you the brilliant idea of having a baby eagle? It’s a great idea! I myself did a baby howler monkey, but eagles are such wonderful birds, you have really tried hard at this!
WOW! This is so well written, you must have taken a long time doing this! I love how you used ‘John scowled’ it really puts a picture in my mind of him! I wouldn’t change a thing, well done!
Wow! this is very well wrote, i like the sentence “Max ran of into the gloom…”
Wow! This Part three is quite extraordinary, I like the part ‘tiny dagger beak’ as well as ‘2 beady eyes’!