I have never…

I have never stolen the Mona Lisa in the dead of night,

But I have taken a bit of wood from a bin in the broad daylight.

I have never tasted the finest cuisine in the world,

But I have scoffed a toasted bonfire ham and cheese sandwich, crisp as an autumn day.

I have never jumped out of a plane,

But I have leapt out of a tree waving an umbrella.

I have never won the Tour De France,

But I have sped daringly down the Strawberry Line on the Hot Rod.

I have never used a World War 2 rifle,

But I have shot my 20-year-old cousin Tyler with a water gun.

I have never visited space in the Apollo, 

But I have put my head through a board with astronauts on.

I have never travelled around the world in 80 days,

But I have mastered jumping all the way across the trampoline before anyone else.

I have never found a T-rex fossil,

But I have discovered a shell at the beach that you can hear the sea in.

I have never fed a lion raw meat, 

But I have left cat food for the coal-black kittens that lived under Skip’s tractor.