chapter three that was close!!
Chapter 3: I should run!!!
As they both looked at each other in silence they screamed… Theo ran. “Get back here” he said
“No”,”never”
“You will pay for this!”
Hopefully not he thought, he kept on running,out the door and up the hill Through the forest, through the Bushes and greenery.
After he crossed this monstrosity of the forest he finally got out the other side. His home. Just as he left it, beds were made, Pool clean , and Living room tidy. The light was coming through the gaps in the Leaves from the trees, a beautiful sight, almost hypnotic, the grass cut, the washing drying nicely on the line and his favorite deck chair out on the lawn and a table with a empty bottle of juice. “MUM!” He screamed, “this nice man gave me 19 packs of fun snaps for free!”
“Really!”
“Yep and a packet of zingys!”
“Wow,its your lucky day then!”
He rushed to his room to put them in his stash. “ That was close” he whispered.
Good for yousing new line for speech
Why did you youses this Hopefully not he thought, he kept on running?
maby less spech
Hello! A very exciting piece of writing. I found a few mistakes but apart from that, well done! In the second paragraph, where it says “No”,”never” you could get rid of the two sets of speech and make the sentence sound like this, “No, never!” And I think you could add some punctuation in the first paragraph. I would recommend adding the name of the person after the tet so people who have just read this chapter know who the peoples named are. -Cameron SWW
Frank SWW
Really good description Tim hypnotic, nice work.
But it doesn’t quite make sense.
Really good though.