You are the sun
You are the sun with Jupiter rotating around you giving you a breath taking eroma.
You are as sneaky as a desert snake in the sand waiting for there pray to eat.
You as loud as a lions roar in the dark blue sky.
You are like a bath bomb fizzing and bubbling around your body.
You are a star in the midnight sky.
You are a waterfall in the middle of the night sparkling and shining.
You are as spikey as a concer shell.
You are a spider spinning its sticky web.
You are a shooting star ready for a wish.
I like you are like a fizzy bath bomb fizzing
I really like the part about the fizzing bath bomb.
How did you come up with idea of the sun and Jupiter?
You have a couple of homophones to correct.
Hello ,
You are a really good writer I like the way you use it all about the sun and your poem made a perfect picture in my head
1) you should do this at home on the weekend if you did it with a partner then you could do it a break or lunch time !!
2) why was the cobweb sticky ?
3) Could you maybe you could do the poem in paragraphs ???
I like the way you added so much lines.
What gave you the idea of space?
Try adding a few verbs or adverbs.
I love when bath bombs fizzing around me.
How did you come up with such descriptive work?
Maybe add some rhyming to go with it
I really liked it. it was the best
how did you come up with your work
1.You are the stars in my head you glint in the moon light you shine in my eyes and sing in front of me.
1. I like how you have describe the bath bomb fizzing around me.
2. how did you come up with the words.
3. Try adding verbs and adverb