The abandoned bike stood on the sidewalk like a lonely school girl listening to the breeze. The handlebars were embedded in damp moss, vines dangling down like a crowd surrounding their favourite celebrity. The rusty, dated wheels sunk into the soft mud like the Titanic sinking slowly int the depths of the ocean, never to be seen again.
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1) I like the simile about the lonely girl.
2) Why did you choose it to be abandoned?
3)Maybe change the title as it doesn’t relate.
1)I really like the lonely girl listening to the breeze.
2) What does embedded mean?
3)Instead of soft mud put soggy mud .
1) I like how it says the handle bars are like vines dangling down like a crowd surrounding their favourite celebrity.
2)Why is it like a lonely school girl on the sidewalk listening to the breeze?
3)Maybe you could add a few adjectives to describe things like the Titanic.