The eyes
Emily looked into the box, two pairs of eyes stared back at her. She jumped back and ran downstairs. Looking behind her and the eyes were following her. Thunder was loud making it more scary. Emily grabbed a cricket bat, held it up, turned around and the face was gone. Her knees wobbled, her hairs spiked up, and then the bat fell out of her hand and made a BANG! Emily could sense the eyes getting closer. ” Go away,” she whispered. “Go away.” Her voice getting louder. “GO AWAY!” There was silence. She creeped back upstairs and was now more cautious of anything else creeping up on her.
I like the exclamation in your work.
What cool our where the eyes
Instead of more scary you could put horrifying or scarier.
I like how the eyes follow Emily and how her voice is getting louder. I don’t think you can improve this because this is amazing.
1. I like the ida of the “go away.”
2. What kind of eyes?
3. You could leave out the making it more scary.
Woah this is really scary! I love the description of your character (Emily), maybe extend it (i.e. add a jump scare).