Oh No By Will Gibson
“Hold on to something!” Screamed Captain Joe. The sun had burst their air balloon which was rapidly releasing the gas. Terry and Ella could see crew members flying of the ship and disappearing. This sent shivers down their spines. Vultures started to circle the area and then CRASH! They had fallen into a mystical forest unknown to the explorers. Covered in bruises and cuts the two children started to explore the wreckage, “Captain Joe?” They asked, “Is that you?” A body with a blue jacket and once white trousers appeared but it was not alive. Blood spewed from his chest. He groaned before leaving this world. The children’s hearts dropped and Ella started to cry. It seemed that they were alone now, well so they thought. Suddenly, SNAP! And a growl came from the bushes. The hairs on their necks lifted. Terry felt breath of rotten egg on his hair. “Oh No!” Said the frightened little boy….
Great piece Will, love your adjectives and it is very dramatic.
Were you meant to write of instead of off?
Maybe you could change your sentence starters?
Great piece Will that is a fabulous piece all that tension I feel like I’m in the story good job
Yes Frances thank you for your comment I will definitely work on my sentence starters. By the way it was supposed to be off.
I like your title Will, it isn’t long and very snappy. Also your description, is very high class, amazing!
Well done Will, I love how it says covered in bruises and cuts, the two children started to explore the wreckage.