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Prologue and chapter 1 by Anabelle

Prologue:

       Sometimes there are shops that everybody goes to. But there are also shops that nobody go to. And nobody ever goes to the Emporium.

       Even though at Easter the smell of chocolate that wafts through the window is so tempting that it makes you drool. Even though at Christmas the presents are amazing and the Christmas lights flash in the windows like stars. Even thought the scent of salty beach air and McDonalds chips escape out of the open door. Even though there is everything that you can thing of somewhere in the shop. Even though at halloween the decorations are so life like they nearly scare you out of your soul.

       No one has ever been in there. It was as if once you passed the shop you forgot about it. Nobody who went past it ever remembered it. No one apart from Keira.

Chapter 1:

       Keira could easily get bored. She would get into trouble for it all the time. One day the sun was shining she was walking down Eaves lane when a movement caught her eye. The closed sign on the Emporium had switched to open. In all of her life Keira had never seen the Emporium open. She went to the door and tried to open it. It opened with a creak. Keira quietly shut the door behind her and walked through the door way.

       In every direction that Keira looked there was something magical and amazing. In one corner there was a cat that would change colour every few seconds. She saw a bronze cage with playful monkeys with chocolate brown fur. On a table there was a silver bird stand with a red and gold Phoenix sleeping gracefully on it. On the back wall there was a marble fireplace with purple and blue flames lighting up the small room. In a corner there were bookshelves that were as high as the ceiling but one particular book caught her eye. It was a dark navy blue book that had a mysterious sparkling glow coming from it. She walked over to it and picked it up and opened it. As she flicked through the pages her eyes widened more and more at each page.

       “I see you’ve found my book of creations,” croaked a voice behind her. Keira slammed the book shut turned around. She looked up into the mans face. He was old with a wrinkled face. His bright emerald eyes stood out on his pale face. A crow dived down onto the mans shoulder. As Keira watched the bird she felt like it’s midnight black eyes were staring straight through her soul.

3 Responses to “Prologue and chapter 1 by Anabelle”

  1. Hi Anabelle,
    This is great and it builds a really strong picture in my head.
    1. I really like the paragraph ‘Even though at Easter the smell of chocolate that wafts through the window is so tempting that it makes you drool. Even though at Christmas the presents are amazing and the Christmas lights flash in the windows like stars. Even thought the scent of salty beach air and McDonalds chips escape out of the open door. Even though there is everything that you can thing of somewhere in the shop. Even though at halloween the decorations are so life like they nearly scare you out of your soul.’ This is because it’s almost as though it’s the best shop.
    2. Why is there something magical in every direction Keira looked?
    How does the cat change colour every few seconds?
    Did Keira not want the shop owner to know that she was flicking through the book?
    3. Perhaps you could add in how she gets bored so easily.
    Maybe you could add in what noise the Phoenix was making when it was sleeping.
    Well done
    Sophie

  2. Ella and Sandra May 24, 2021 at 11:33 am

    Hi Anabelle,
    It’s Ella and Sandra from MrGs emporium.
    1) we really like the line “ Keira watched the bird she felt like it’s midnight black eyes were staring straight through her soul.”
    2) Did her parents get annoyed of saying I’m bored or did she always give clues to them that she was?
    3) I think you don’t need any improvement this is perfect
    We really love this piece of writing.

  3. Hi Anabelle
    1. I like how you have written short sentences as it builds suspense.
    2. I don’t have a question!
    3. Maybe you could put commas instead of quite a few full stops.

    Well done and keep writing!

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