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suspense

Monday 7th march 2022

Ty and Mariana ran towards the escape, the baby dragon followed them, Ty noticed the baby dragon and picked it up hoping no one seen him with it, so they ran to their room and got a deep box, put a blanket in it and a food and water bowl .They put the baby dragon in the box taped it then put it under there bed. They ran to eat and acted like nothing was bothering them. After their lunch they ran to their room and tried to go to sleep.

 

Ty woke up from scratching under the ship so he jumped out of bed to wake up his twin Marianna. They both ran towards the sky ship deck then peered over the edge “what’s THAT” shouted Ty, as a black eye peered at them in fear Mariana shuddered “ I I it’s the black peering eye from a … dragon!”.    

4 Responses to “suspense”

  1. Hi I really liked reading this especially how you used good dialogue but next time maybe try and create more suspense!

  2. This is an GREAT peace, I love it a lot because it’s very detailed and creative, But I feel there is too much description about what they are doing, and too little descriptive words. I think that if you add some description about what’s happening ( not to much) and then some descriptive words, that would make it AMAZING! I also loved the ending a lot, so much suspense and jump scares! I’m so excited to read what happens next!!!

  3. I really liked the suspense towards the end of the story. You used a cliffhanger, what happens next? Maybe the ending is a little bit too rushed. You could have described the dragon a little more.

  4. I thought this was very 👍.
    Maybe next time if it’s the night don’t say the black eye.
    Other than that it is impressive.

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