To the house owner,

I am writing to complain about the variety of foods you have. I mean, you don’t expect me to survive on just mouldy cheese and bread crumbs right? Get me something more rank appropriate like caviar or cake. You can’t expect me to live on pizza crusts, that’s way below my dignity! My cousin’s place serves so much better food. They serve raspberries! I was so disappointed to see that you had not put any truly delicious foods in the cupboard after I complained last time! If you don’t change this repulsive food I will make sure you get a bad rating when I leave!

Sincerely, Clementine Cargill