Tag Archives | S10 – Truro High School

WE NEED YOU!!!

Do you not want to go to war against the savage Barloins (our enemy village)? Even though you don’t want to fight, do you want to protect our village, so that you are not a failure to your family? Are you specially trained in sufo-kong (the martial arts form for strange beasts)? Are you bored of sitting in your armchair and doing nothing all day? Well, then read on!

Our village has a tradition that we have to serve our family right, by going into battle or working as a knight. If you do not do either, then you are rejected and burnt at the stake. From a young age, you have learnt the art of channelling the power of the fire dragon. Now that you have these abilities, we need you to help us!

We have been attacked by banshees, from the east side of the mountains. Scarlet-red blood melts from their pupils, into the iris, hypnotising those brave enough to gaze into them. They come down from the eerie sky, their voices screeching in the wind. These banshees eat little children, shedding no pity nor guilt towards the heartbroken mothers.

This is where YOU come in. We need your skills to save our idyllic and perfect village from the devious and ruthless banshees. You must be able to defeat any animal, from the Wip-Wam Fly to the almighty Fire Dragon, and have the intelligence of our entire village combined! It is a difficult task but comes with a great reward, including the following:

 

  • Towers of shimmering gold
  • You will become ‘Chief of Protection and Safety’ of our village.
  • Free banquets by your door
  • The ability to boast about it to your much stronger older brothers
  • Land that goes on for miles.

Don’t miss this opportunity! Call us at 09987978536363637849606 or just go to the end of our village, and turn right to our tent.

 

Gordi Fact File

Gordi animal carer

Gordi is a famous animal carer, here’s why;

 

Early Years

 

In 1837 Gordi was born in Cornwall but moved around quite a lot due to her parents’ jobs. she was always intent on looking after animals, she wanted to have pets, but she wasn’t allowed. Her mother and father worked in the Atlantic, to Gordi’s dismay they worked on large ships, moving valuable items, such as coal. Daily, they pumped out 36,875 gallons of smoke, Gordi hated it.

 

School

 

Gordi went with the intention to be good at science, PE and to be able to memorize maps. When she was older she wanted to go on great expeditions and she would need these skills. She sadly had only one friend as she was too interested in her grades to focus on her friendships. At the end of school, she was put out to only get a D in science and third to worst in PE. The surprising good grade was in cooking, she hated cooking, she hated it even more when the teacher suggested she could be a cook.

 

How she became famous

 

Gordi hatched a plan, when she was fifteen, to destroy her parents ships to save the oceans. She was caught mid-way through her plan and shipped to an island made of trash as punishment. She spent the next nine months snipping seaweed round the island and replanting it. She ate the leftover leaves for food while everyone thought she was dead. She escaped by weaving a raft and hitching onto a cruise ship and arrived in Mexico.

 

Mexico

 

Gordi found Mexico very different to Cornwall, they ate Chapulines (grasshoppers) and were very rude. She had no one to look after her so she had to fend for herself, she became an unknown street urchin. However, her once clean face was often on the front of ‘The Times’ Her old self known as ‘The Girl Who Disappeared’ but slowly became forgotten and turned into ‘Old news’ Gone, forever.

 

Gordi comes back

 

When she became eighteen she left Mexico and escaped on a train to Canada, feeling like a criminal crouching under a chair. She was found and thrown out less than halfway there, she found a tea stained newspaper shoved under a tree and used it to help a bird make a nest and decided from that day forward she would look after animals.

 

Adult life

 

She married in 1861 to Ben Kiran and had three children: Ted, Tina and Little Larry

 

What She Did

 

In 1863 she opened a conservational wildlife project improving lives of millions of animals around the globe. Gordi recited a medal of honor, but sadly, while trying to tame a lion, took a fatal bite and within seconds, was dead. She died in 1867 at age 26.

Wanted Niffler Hunter

Are you the best Niffler hunter in the whole world? Can you smell a Niffler within five miles? Do you eat golden eggs for breakfast without worrying about a Niffler intruding? If so, look no further.

You could have a once in a life time opportunity, to enter our Niffler hunting competition with the chance to win many prizes such as unlimited meals a free private mansion (and island) plus you could have the chance to become the new king/queen for an entire month!

We are currently seeking the finest Niffler hunter in all the land to rid are country of these cheeky creatures so that we can sleep soundly at night without the fear of are valuables being robbed. First, imagine being the most famous person in the country with songs and chants made up about you being sung throughout the land for many years! If successful, you will be crowned ‘Niffler hunter of the year’ and have your picture post in ‘Niffler Catcher Monthly’ magazine. You will also have the freedom to travel wherever you wish, as long as it is on the ‘British Airlines’, at any time for free!

Don’t miss this opportunity of a lifetime! Grab this chance, apply now and live your dream.

Wild Beast hunter wanted

Are you looking for a job? Do you know how to tame a dragon? Fight wild beasts? Hunt in the night? Are you brave and fearless? Well we have just the job for you.

 

We are looking for new wild beast tamers. Imagine this walking through the forest, suddenly a Dragon swoops down and lands right before your eyes. It starts breathing fire you are screaming in fright! Out of nowhere a Dragon tamer from our company calmly tames the dragon (does not kill it) and saves your life.

In our business you get the most flexible hours and food every day at the camp.

So, don’t miss an opportunity like this! Join us today.

Earnings (Per Hour)

Level 1: 2 florins

Level 2: 4 florins

Level 3: 5 florins

Level 4: 7 florins

Level 5: 10 florins

Queen Advert

Wanted-urgently-a wife for

Henry VIII

 

Are you currently seeking a husband? Do you have the expertise in royal life? Do you want to have a majestic marriage? If so, here’s the one for you.

 

We are searching for a princess that is loyal, patient, forgiving and will agree with mostly everything. First, imagine becoming the queen of England and ruling the United Kingdom along side your husband. Furthermore, we will guarantee royal clothes, expensive jewellery, and the best in the country. Our unimaginable offer includes becoming famous and touring the world. If successful, you will have a coronation, wedding and become the queen.

 

Don’t miss this opportunity of a lifetime! Grab this chance, apply now and live your dreams.

If you feel that this is the job for you,

You will be expected to:

  • Travel to the United Kingdom
  • Marry our King
  • Give him a MALE heir
  • Go along with everything we say

 

In return we will offer:

 

  • Servants
  • Money
  • A husband

(clothes, jewellery and food)

 

So, if you would like all of this

Please come to England

 

Small Print

(there’s a slight chance you could get you head chopped off)

Wanted human hunter

Wanted- human hunter

Are you bored of your life bitten part in the pack. Do you need to be free?Well look no further.Do you have the skills to take down these monsters? Come and take down these amazingly bad animals! So come help us. Apply now!

If you feel that this is the part for you, you will be expected to:

  • Travel to the world of humans
  • Find these monsters
  • Take control of the beast
  • Or kill them

In return, we will reward you with:

  • Stuff. Ok, fine, I’ll describe it to you, reader who should get this job.
  • A hot tub of water from a one headed dog’s saliva.
  • Poison from a viper in a very breakable glass

Even better you can be awarded a fiery to protect you from danger

If you’re interested in saving the pack. Alert us by leaving a trail of your scales . Come live your dreams.

Queen Advert

Wanted – urgently- a wife for King Henry VIII

Are you currently seeking a husband? Do you have the expertise to read and write, and do some sport? Do you want to be the richest woman in England?  If so, read on.

We are seeking a foreign beautiful woman, who can be patient and able to have a baby (but it has to be a boy). First, imagine becoming a royal Queen and being as rich as ever.

If you feel like this opportunity is for you. You will be expected to:

  • Have a wedding
  • Play tennis
  • Have manners
  • Be kind

In return we will reward you with:

  • The fanciest dresses
  • The money to be rich
  • Jewels
  • Palaces
  • Holiday to your choice

 

You are guaranteed the protection of the best soldiers in England.

If you are interested in being the wife of King Henry please apply NOW!!!

YOU MIGHT GET YOUR HEAD CHOPPED OFF!

 

Queen Advert

WANTED URGENTLY: a wife for the king

 

Are you currently seeking a marriage? Do you know how to dance and how to please a man? Can you speak Latin? Do you want to rich and powerful and also be Queen of England? If so, look no further

 

We are seeking a beautiful young princess to become our beloved new queen. Who will be able to produce a son and heir. First imagine becoming the new queen and having all the riches of the land. Further more we will be offering a guaranty of protection from our many soldiers and king henry VIII. Our unimaginable offer includes lots and lots of jewellery very pretty dresses and a giant banquet every day and a life time money. Additionally, we will provide you with a beautiful home, a splendid court filled with lodes of food and exquisite chandeliers covered in diamond. If successful, you’ll be crowned queen of England and be in the paper.

 

Don’t miss this opportunity of a lifetime. Grab this chance of a lifetime and apply now and live in the palace

If you feel like this job is for you, you will be expected to:

 

  • Speak Latin
  • Please a husband
  • Sew and give the king an heir
  • Sit still and be quiet

In return, we will reward you with:

  • Beautiful dresses
  • All the riches of the land
  • Power and banquets every day

If you’re interested in becoming our new queen please come to the palace this afternoon

 

Ps: you might get your head cut off

 

Queen Advert

Wanted: a wife for Henry VIII

 

Are you currently seeking the finest job money can buy? Are you single? Do you want to be one of the richest people on earth? If so look no further: this job is the one.

We are seeking the finest lady in the land but she will need to know: fluent Latin, be able to sew great tapestries and paint efficient portraits of other royals. But above all you MUST produce a male heir, if you don’t you are not guaranteed to keep Henry your loyal husband. You are guaranteed: ladies in waiting, a palace and a colossal amount of treasure

If you feel that this is the perfect job for you, you will be expected to:

  • travel to London,
  • be prepared,
  • and be early!

In return we will reward you with:

  • a palatial life
  • a palace
  • and a life time supply of gold and silver

If you feel that this is the job for you please send a letter to PL27 6NQ.

 

Advert for a Queen

Wanted-Urgently-a Queen of England

 

Are you currently seeking a husband? Do you have perfect princess ways and expertise in singing, dancing, reading, writing and tennis? Do you want to be the richest lady in the country and live in a pure gold palace? If so, contact 09746216472

 

We are seeking the finest princess in all the land with beautiful features. She needs to speak Latin, French and Greek. First, imagine being the queen of England and having many maids and servants. Furthermore, we will be offering a guarantee of your lades in waiting and soldiers. Additionally, we will provide you with professionally made breakfast, tea and lunch a double king bed, and a room full of dresses. If successful, you will be crowned queen.

 

Don’t miss this opportunity of a lifetime. Grab this chance and live in the palace.

 

If you feel this job is for you, you will be expected to:

  • Have posh manners
  • Have a sun
  • Do as you are told

In return, we will give you:

  • the job of Queen of England
  • Many dresses and clothes
  • A palace

 

 

WANING you may not come out alive!!!!!!!!!!