Welcome to The Dragon’s Den
*Please ensure all cameras are off and mics are switched off or muted.*
Special Guest – Joshua Seigal
Joshua Seigal is a poet, performer and workshop leader who visits schools and institutions around the world. I am the winner of the 2020 Laugh Out Loud Book Award, and my poetry collections are published by Bloomsbury. Please check out my website for free poems and fun stuff!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP! (published in ‘Welcome to My Crazy Life’)
Whenever something frightens me,
if ever I feel blue,
there’s something very simple
that I’d really love to do;
the kind of superpower
that would conquer all my fears –
I’d simply point my finger and then
I’d zap away the bullies
and I’d zap away the ghouls,
and when the weekend’s over
I would zap away my school.
I’d zap away my braces
and the pimple on my nose.
I’d simply click my finger and then
away it goes.
I’d zap away the angry words
between my mum and dad.
I’d zap away the arguments
that make me feel sad.
And sometimes, after having had
a truly dismal day,
I almost wish that I could even
I’d zap away the demons
that reside within my head.
I’d close my eyes and hold my breath
and then I’d zap them dead.
I’d zap away the worries
that go on and on and on.
I’d take a gulp then give a wink and then I’d
Whenever something comes along
and brings up all my rage,
and makes me feel like a tiger
trapped inside a cage,
I’d really love to zap it.
That’s what I would like to do.
So do not make angry or I might even
I Don’t Like Poetry (published in ‘I Don’t Like Poetry’)
I don’t like similes.
Every time I try to think of one
my brain feels like a vast, empty desert;
my eyes feel like raisins floating in an ocean;
my fingers feel like sweaty sausages.
I don’t like metaphors.
Whenever I attempt them
a hammer starts beating in my chest;
lava starts running through my veins;
zombies have a fight in my stomach.
I don’t like alliteration.
We learnt about it in school
but it’s seriously, stupendously silly;
definitely drastically difficult;
terribly, troublingly tricky.
I don’t like onomatopoeia.
I wish I could blow it up
with a ZAP! and a BANG! and a CRASH!;
a BOOM! and a CLANG! and a POW!;
a CLASH! and a BAM! and a THUD!
And I don’t like repetition
I don’t like repetition
I don’t like repetition…
Colours (published in ‘I Don’t Like Poetry’)
Green describes me.
It is fresh and bright and vibrant.
It is a colour that breathes oxygen
into the universe.
Green is replete with the dawning
It’s a new-born idea springing into life;
it’s the feeling of wet grass
Red describes me.
It is angry, bitter, bubbling.
It is a colour that flashes a frown
and gnashes its teeth.
Red is fighting to escape its skin,
desperate to punch, kick and maim.
It’s a wild tiger in a tiny cage;
it’s a toddler screaming
on a supermarket floor.
Yellow describes me.
It is pale, sickly, withering.
It is a colour that remains
when the spirit has left.
Yellow is a patient
in a hospital bed.
It’s the slow decay of blunted teeth;
It’s your clothes coming out the dryer,