Welcome to The Dragon’s Den

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Special Guest – Joshua Seigal

Joshua Seigal is a poet, performer and workshop leader who visits schools and institutions around the world. I am the winner of the 2020 Laugh Out Loud Book Award, and my poetry collections are published by Bloomsbury. Please check out my website for free poems and fun stuff!

www.joshuaseigal.co.uk

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP! (published in ‘Welcome to My Crazy Life’)

Whenever something frightens me,

if ever I feel blue,

there’s something very simple

that I’d really love to do;

the kind of superpower

that would conquer all my fears –

I’d simply point my finger and then

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

it disappears.

I’d zap away the bullies

and I’d zap away the ghouls,

and when the weekend’s over

I would zap away my school.

I’d zap away my braces

and the pimple on my nose.

I’d simply click my finger and then

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

away it goes.

I’d zap away the angry words

between my mum and dad.

I’d zap away the arguments

that make me feel sad.

And sometimes, after having had

a truly dismal day,

I almost wish that I could even

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

myself away.

I’d zap away the demons

that reside within my head.

I’d close my eyes and hold my breath

and then I’d zap them dead.

I’d zap away the worries

that go on and on and on.

I’d take a gulp then give a wink and then I’d

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

them gone.

Whenever something comes along

and brings up all my rage,

and makes me feel like a tiger

trapped inside a cage,

I’d really love to zap it.

That’s what I would like to do.

So do not make angry or I might even

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

you.

Joshua Seigal

I Don’t Like Poetry (published in ‘I Don’t Like Poetry’)

I don’t like similes.

Every time I try to think of one

my brain feels like a vast, empty desert;

my eyes feel like raisins floating in an ocean;

my fingers feel like sweaty sausages.

I don’t like metaphors.

Whenever I attempt them

a hammer starts beating in my chest;

lava starts running through my veins;

zombies have a fight in my stomach.

I don’t like alliteration.

We learnt about it in school

but it’s seriously, stupendously silly;

definitely drastically difficult;

terribly, troublingly tricky.

I don’t like onomatopoeia.

I wish I could blow it up

with a ZAP! and a BANG! and a CRASH!;

a BOOM! and a CLANG! and a POW!;

a CLASH! and a BAM! and a THUD!

And I don’t like repetition

I don’t like repetition

I don’t like repetition…

Joshua Seigal

Colours (published in ‘I Don’t Like Poetry’)

Green describes me.

It is fresh and bright and vibrant.

It is a colour that breathes oxygen

into the universe.

Green is replete with the dawning

of possibilities.

It’s a new-born idea springing into life;

it’s the feeling of wet grass

in summertime.

Red describes me.

It is angry, bitter, bubbling.

It is a colour that flashes a frown

and gnashes its teeth.

Red is fighting to escape its skin,

desperate to punch, kick and maim.

It’s a wild tiger in a tiny cage;

it’s a toddler screaming

on a supermarket floor.

Yellow describes me.

It is pale, sickly, withering.

It is a colour that remains

when the spirit has left.

Yellow is a patient

in a hospital bed.

It’s the slow decay of blunted teeth;

It’s your clothes coming out the dryer,

ruined.

Joshua Seigal – Response Padlet

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