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Melonmander near extinction

Melonmander near extinction

The melonmander is a variety of mammal, closely related to the malamander that lives in the area of Eerie-on-Sea. Unlike the malamander, the melonmander possesses both gills and lungs so that it can survive in the sea or on land.

It has a yellow and orange body with a tan shell and bird-like feet. With lovely tasting flesh you can see why they are becoming extinct. The shell protects the melonmander from predators as it is very hard to penetrate. If the melonmander gets frightened it lets out a deafening roar, this is so loud that it can be heard for miles around. Its claws are like hawks and they can run as fast as a cheetah and swim as fast as a hippo.

They like to come out in the height of the midday sun as it heats up their shell like a solar panel so they can store heat to keep them warm in the cold ocean. If they see humans they hide in the sand using their claw-like feet to dig. They like to live on their own but like to play with others when in the water.

They live in salt water pools left by the sea tide. They eat small fish and crabs. Due to their flesh tasting sweet, they are often hunted by the sea farmers living on the sea shore. They sell the melonmanders at local markets as a delicacy.

Due to them being farmed, there numbers are drastically decreasing and this is why we want to list them as an endangered species and make it illegal for anyone to hunt them in the summer months.This is when they spend most of their time on the sandy beaches and not in the depths and safety of the ocean.

If we allow them to be cruelly over-fished, and killed for their flesh they will become extinct. If you would like to help us save these creatures, please sign the petition on http://www.savemelonmanders.goode.uk. Stella McCartney is our society’s patron and says that we should, ‘work together to build a safe environment for these beautiful, harmless creatures that are truly one of the wonders of this world’.


The krakenmander is a devastatingly powerful beast. This monstrosity lives in the murkiest depths of the Black Sea and only comes out to eat and prey on it’s unsuspecting victims. The krakenmader is a fully aquatic cephalopod breathing using gills on each side of it’s face.


This beast largely resembles a squid in many ways but with a long serpentine tail that it swipes to make deathly waves. Furthermore, it’s head and it’s tentacles are both bogey green in colour with knobbles and creases covering them. Generally, these beasts have a large demonic beak, which is as black as the night sky. The inside is as a red as blood. The main concern about the way it looks is that each tentacle has hooks inside it’s suckers. Interestingly, each hook seems to be as strong as an iron sword so nothing can destroy them. The public are concerned that the krakenmander may eat all the fish in the sea, leaving nothing for fishermen to find due to it being 100 feet long, weighing 17 tonnes and eating 1500 fish a day minimum. In addition to these facts about it’s appearance, the krakenmander is a swift swimmer, almost being as quick as a sailfish.


The krakenmander only live in deep trenches, such as the Mariana Trench. They only come up at night to devour every fish they can. They are rarely seen by human eyes but if they are you would certainly know about it. Each trench can only house 5 krakenmanders because they are very solitary creatures who prefer to live far apart from other krakenmaders. Each krakenmander would need at least 5km of territory to live in otherwise there would be territorial wars under the sea. They tend to be found in the Black Sea mostly but have also been known to live in both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans but as they are rarely seen there have not been many recent sightings reported. Curiously, despite being very powerful and dangerous they do tend to try and hurt humans and instead stay as unseen as possible. They rarely attack humans.


These creatures are under threat due to over fishing in the Black Sea and other oceans. Although we have said that they could be dangerous or annoying to fisherman (eating all their catch) the actual problem is that fishermen are killing them by taking away their food sources and even hunting them. The other reasons some fishermen hunt them, apart from because they are eating all their fish, is that they like to remove the hooks on their suckers to provide them as weapons for the army. They can get up to £200 per hook. They are indestructible. It is thought that krakenmanders when eaten taste like sushi, making them a delicacy in some cultures. If you would like to help save this unique creature then please spread the word about not eating krakenmander sushi in restaurants and encourage fishermen to leave them alone.

The Snappermander


The Snappermander is a magnificent creature, its skin rough and jagged ,a sickly green colour.  Its eyes soulless statue still, staring beyond the never ending abyss. With sharp, pointed horns and a long bearded neck And a jaw that can open up to 2 metres. With ears that twist to every sound and claws shaped like daggers digging into the ground this creature is one you wouldn’t like to meet. Even though this animal seems big and scary it’s quite small, only 50cm if it stands up right, and 70 cm long. Because of its large jaw, many people think it can swallow people in a single gulp. But they are wrong. They have very small intestines and can only eat small reptiles and bugs.

They are normally found cooling off in the shade of a covering cave, or basking up in the sun. They like a mix of temperatures and always are on the move, they never stay in one place for more than 3 days because of the large predators that hunt them.( which include lions, tigers and birds)/when they rest however they cover their whole body in sand, leaves or dirt and leave their head slightly sticking out.


They are under threat because of mankind thinking they are hostile. Because of this, they are being killed to (help keep everyone safe) but in fact it’s just making it worse as these animals are pest cleaners and eat little bugs and rats infesting your home. We need to inform people how helpful these creatures are and put an end to people assuming wrong of these fine specimens.

The mangomander

If you ever come across a mangomader don’t be scared they might look scary on the outside but they are friendly on the inside, They can taste fear so be aware .


These extraordinary creatures sort of look like otters  but with ears all fluffy like a koalas.Their natural colours are green and orange but when they are born they are white and as they grow, they get the colour.


You might think that these creatures live in tropical rainforests but the majority of them live in cold places like greenland so they have to harvest mangos because they rarely get them.


Many people believe that the mangomanders only eat mangos but this isn’t true, these magnificent creatures love all different varieties of fruit.


These creatures are under huge threat because of climate change so there are only 12 left help these innocent creatures live their lives.

The Titanamander

The Titanamander is a highly endangered species and there are only a few of them left in the wild. These creatures help trees grow and have been dropping in large numbers as they are being hunted for their skin  as it is used for snakeskin boots and jackets.


These amazing creatures are very snake-like and often get confused with their extinct counterpart, the Titanoboa. They are 10 foot long and often weigh about the same as an elephant. Unlike the Titanoboa, the Titanamander has two little arms to support its weight and has a wing-like frill around its neck. Their scales are green, sludgy colour to help them blend in with their surroundings.


The Titanamander is commonly found in swampy or rainforest areas and in the winter migrate toward grassland or mountains depending on the weather. Despite this, because of global warming they have been seen making their way into the underground train tracks of London.

Due to rainforests being cut down and houses being built these animals have been losing their homes and habitats. They are also being hunted down for their lungs as they are used in medicine and so much more, so if you would please donate £1 to our website www.savethetitanamanders.co.uk, every one pound is one Titanamander saved.

The Purrrfect Location – The Grand Jaguar Hotel

The Purrrfect Location – The Grand Jaguar Hotel


Are you tired from working too hard? Do you need a change for once? Then why not come to the Crown Jaguar Hotel? A lavish resort that has several all-you-can-eat buffets and restaurants plus a luxurious massage room where you can let all that stress just melt away!


Once you are feeling relaxed we can offer you:


  • a free cuddle with the cuddle expert Jasper in our cat cuddle room
  • a swim with our dolphins in our Olympic sized swimming pool


If you need anything during your stay, don’t be afraid to ask. Our fantastical talking cat Luna (our deputy customer service supervisor) will be more than happy to help to make your stay puuurrrfect!


We have seven restaurants from gourmet to traditional fish and chip dinners. The restaurants are all rated 5 stars and run by some of the world’s greatest chefs. The chef in our traditional English restaurant has served Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II herself. Come try one our seven restaurants. Why not eat at a different one every night? Take your pick from:


  1. Good old english restaurant
  2. Smiley’s chinese restaurant and take out
  3. The perfect pizzeria
  4. Eat with the cats restaurant – always a great catch there
  5. Pete’s a pies
  6. Donatello’s delicacies
  7. Jacob’s jams


All guests who stay between the 1st February and 1st June 2022 will automatically be entered into our guest lottery to have a chance of winning a two week holiday in our luxury guest room. The luxury gurest room has: a 100 inch 3D TV, famous artwork from Leonardo Da Vinci and other famous renaissance artists, a perfect view of our swimming pool with a direct slide taking to our amazing pool from your room. Book your stay now to have a chance of winning this fantabulous prize.


What are you waiting for? Book now, come on. Start your relaxing adventure here. The Crown Jaguar Hotel awaits, the purrrrfect place to stay for all the family. Family is the greatest treasure, so come on here and enjoy our leisure!.


The Grand Goode Complex

Why not visit The Grand Goode

Here at The Grand Goode, you can soak up the sun and dip your toes in the heated infinity pool around the complex. We are located on the beachfront, so if water sports are your thing you need look no further, our instructors are on hand to give you free taster lessons.

You need not look any further as The Grand Goode offers these amazing things:

  • Free taster lessons for water sport activities
  • Free football training with a premier league player of your choice
  • Free Wifi throughout the complex
  • King size electric recliner beds in all rooms
  • Xbox area for children under the age of 16
  • Free kids club
  • Pizza hut
  • Burger bars
  • Massive infinity pool
  • Heated kids pool
  • Lazy river
  • A child zone gaming centre
  • An adult only stress free area

We offer an early bird booking discount if your stay with us is booked at least six months in advance. We also offer free child spaces with two paying adults.

Now restrictions are being lifted, we are in high demand and bookings are coming in fast, to avoid disappointment we suggest you pick up the phone and book now on 01584 563 256 or visit our website thegrandgoodecomplexresort.com

We often have families revisiting us, here are some of the trip advisor reviews we have been left:

Mrs Brown from Wolverley

“We had an amazing time at The Grand Goode, the kids loved the lazy river. My husband tried all the water sports.”

Mr Price from Kidderminster.

 “Well what can I say! The complex was perfect. I would definitely rebook. The surfing was amazing. The children loved the pizza hut and the fact they had their own kiddie pools to choose from.”

The Jungle Cruise Hotel

This summer, were you looking for an experience to die for? Or maybe looking for a place to go where everything’s at peace? We have got you covered! Come to the jungle cruise hotel! Where you can catch a breather from work!


From outstanding views to breath-taking adventures, you won’t be bored at this fun filled fantasy! We can take you to our secluded top rated zoo where you can touch a lion or feel a dolphin, you name it we’ve got it!


Not too keen? Well! We have wishy washies water park, jungle top tree theme park ,dig in diner and so much more!


Go to our website to claim these wonderful rewards when you book!


  • Under 6 go free!
  • After book in all food comes with it
  • Late night pool access
  • V.I.P bowling tickets 


And so much more!


Sign in today at www.junglecruise.com !

Rubber Bands.

As a result of rubber bands – flying across the classroom at the defenceless teacher.


As a result of cold – long spindly icicles.


As a result of summer – wet feet, grass stains.


As a result of phones – endless possibilities.


As a result of draws – hidden cabinets.

As a result of trees – fresh air to breath.


As a result of bubble wrap – safely sent packages.


As a result of glasses – vision helped.

Very Happy Am I!

Very Happy Am I!


As a result of lightning – the Greeks worshiped Zeus.


As a result of cats – there are a limited amount of rodents.


As a result of global warming – animals are going extinct.


As a result of the printing press – people read and write.


As a result of the battle of hastings – King William reigned.


As a result of Julius Ceasar – France conquered.


As a result of Covid – kept safe inside.


As a result of school – days feel long.


As a result of teachers – weekend homework exists.


As a result of tents – warm sunny holidays.


As a result of my cat – very happy am I!